Two days ago I got kicked out of Gold Coast for card counting. I was playing at the ten-dollar minimum bet table, so I didn’t think they’d watch me too carefully, but clearly I was wrong. I’d only been playing an hour. The pit boss told me they security had tracked my play over fourteen double-decks. At first, I played dumb, and the pit boss went, “Sir, let’s not insult each other’s intelligence here.”

What a diplomat.

When I get back to Vegas next week, I’ll try counting at a different casino. Hopefully they’re not in sync.

IN OTHER NEWS

I don’t often say obnoxious things, but often think of obnoxious things I could say. For example, yesterday I was flying back home to Michigan to do a book reading, and on the plane I was reading Psychology Today magazine, and I didn’t have my personal light—the one next to the air jet—turned on because it was too bright and hurt my eyes. So the stewardess came over, gave me a funny look, reached above my head and turned my light on for me, and then gave me another funny look. I just looked back at her.

“What,” she said, “you like reading with the light off?” She said it like I had offended her.

Here’s what I probably should have, but didn’t say in response: “What I like is like making decisions for myself.”

I chickened out thought.

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Last night I saw Criss Angel’s show BELIEVE at the LUXOR.

A lot of magicians don’t like Angel, but the fact is, the guy has performed more magic on TV than anybody else in history, and he’s gotten to do that because TONS of non-magicians like him. And I’m a fan of anybody who brings interest to the field of magic. It’s a dying art and we need more magicians like Angel, who bring it to different types of people.

As for Angel’s stage show, which opened a week ago…reviews haven’t been good. Actually, they’ve been awful.

There are three types of awful theatre reviews. First of all, there’s the classic “Here’s Why This Show Sucks Review” Example: Joe Brown’s Las Vegas Sun review:

“Cirque throws everything in its considerable arsenal of stage genius at Angel — the expected array of lush, loud music, expert dancers and aerialists, lavish settings and boundary-breaking special effects, all intended to amaze. The single most amazing thing about “Believe” is that it’s still so boring. For a reported $100 million, Cirque has bought itself its first bona fide bomb….A charmless mook, Angel is a rudimentary stage performer—he’s barely believable playing himself.”

Next, there’s the There’s Nothing To Even Review Here, So I’m Going To Review On My Own Cleverness Review. Example: Reed Johnson of the Los Angeles Times wrote this:

“Believe that it's unbelievable. Unbelievably bad. In Las Vegas, his mash-up with Cirque du Soleil is a magic trick gone terribly wrong. If Criss Angel were blindfolded, straitjacketed, run over by a steamroller, locked in a steel box and dumped from a helicopter into the Pacific Ocean, he still might be easier to salvage from disaster than "Criss Angel: Believe," the gloomy, gothic muddle of a show that officially lurched into being on Halloween night like some patched-together Frankenstein's monster.”

Lastly there’s the I’ve Been A Professional Theatre Critic For Two Decades And You Seriously Expect Me To Waste My Time On This? You Do Well, Seeing As Though I’ve Got A Stoner Teenage Boy To Put Through College And I’m Contractually Obligated To Review This Abortion Of A Production, I’m Going To Do So The Way A My Son Would Because That’s What The Show Deserves Review. Example: In the Las Vegas Review Journal, Doug Elfman wrote this:

“Wooooooooow. Criss Angel's new Cirque du Soleil show is terrrrrrible. I had heard firsthand from some people who had seen "Believe" that it was abysmal and maybe unfixable, creatively. So my expectations were rock-bottom low (although open-minded), when I saw it Friday on opening night. And yet, it was EVEN WORSE than how it was described to me…Obviously, "Believe" was not made to be bad on purpose, and that makes things even worse, since they are TRYING to make a great show.”

I don’t think any of these reviews (or any other review I read) truly captured the show. I’m beginning to write my own review today and you’ll find it in my upcoming book…in like two years….but until then, let me ask, why do you think some people either LOVE or HATE Angel so much. Do you guys even watch his show/know who he is?

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